New Moon The End edward POV
by robsessed4eva
Summary: We all know how Bella felt in that moment when Edward left. But what is HE going through? The pain of being separated from one's mate is too much for any vampire. Read on to know Edward's emotions and grief as he broke up with Bella in New Moon.


New Moon- The End (Edward POV)

I stared into her eyes, took a deep breath and said, "Bella, we're leaving"

Anguish coursed through me as I said this but I kept a cool facade, watching as confusion emerged in those eyes.

She inhaled deeply. " Why now? Another year-"

BECAUSE I DON"T WANT TO KEEP YOU IN DANGER BECAUSE OF ME ANY LONGER. I wanted to hurl those words out, but I couldn't so I cut her off with an acceptable reason which I had already thought of before hand.

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks? Carlisle could barely pass for thirty and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless"

Understanding dawned on her as she realized what I was saying...what I was implying...I was leaving.

"When you say _we_-"

"I mean my family and myself." I cut in again, unable to hear the pain I'd inflicted, saturating in her voice.

She shook her head back and forth trying to find something, _anything_, that could make this work.

Finally, she spoke, "Okay, I'll come with you"

But that was the point! She couldn't.

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going...It's not the right place for you," I said, voicing my thoughts

That, at least, was the truth.

But she was stubborn. "Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you Bella" Another truth. A monster like me didn't deserve a perfect soul like her.

"Don't be ridiculous," she implored. "You're the very best part of my life."

I knew it was hopeless to tell her she was wrong, that she would be a thousand times better off without me, so I told her another truth. " My world is not for you, Bella"

"What happened with Jasper- That was nothing Edward! Nothing!"

Yes, it _was_ nothing. Nothing compared to what could have happened. I flinched internally at the imagery that flashed through my mind and raw pain began to gnaw at the emptiness in my chest.

"You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected." Hadn't I anticipated something like this at the very beginning of our relationship? But I had waited until it came true instead of going away, and I knew I had to leave before I could cause more damage.

"You promised! In, Phoenix you promised that you would stay-"

"As long as it was best for you," I interrupted her. She was trying to trap me with words, I could see, but as the memories of last spring rose to the surface of my mind, I became more determined to leave. I would never risk her life again, no matter what the cost.

"_No! _ This is about my soul, isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't want it without you. It's yours already." she fumed, her eyes more pleading than furious.

I had to look down. I couldn't look at the pain in her eyes anymore. Couldn't bear her desperation anymore. She wasn't going to let go, so I had to take another route. One that would hurt her but also benefit in the long run. I had to make her believe that I didn't want her.

Even in my mind I couldn't think of such an idea, but for her safety I would say it. I kept my face impassive as acid trickled down my veins, and lifted my gaze to meet hers.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I twisted my words a little to make it more bearable.

I truly did not want her to come with me and sacrifice her life. To leave behind everything so that she could waste her life with a soulless creature who didn't deserve her. My world went hazy as I watched the effect of my words in her. The misery, the agony and worst of all the _acceptance_.

"You... don't... want... me?" she croaked in a hoarse whisper.

I braced myself to say it. The word that would end this. The word that would end everything. In a hard, emotionless voice that sounded foreign to my being, which was shrieking in protest to what was going to happen, I said, "No."

The silence that followed ricocheted off the trees and echoed in the forest. Immediately I began foolishly hoping that Bella would not believe me. That she would see right through me and wouldn't let me go. But it was a vain hope. I could see that as she spoke her next words in a voice that betrayed none of the emotions portraying in her eyes.

"Well, that changes thing"

Yes, that changed everything. Nothing would be the same without her. Everyday would burn in agony, happiness would never be found and the hollowness in my chest would always remain.

"Of course, I will always love you in a way," I said in a last attempt to make this easier on her, however I could not let there be any hope so I continued, as every cell in my body buckled with pain, "But I'm _tired_ of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I'm not human" And I never could be. The pain stabbed me as I continued in the detached voice that I had maintained throughout the conversation, " I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

At least I could apologize truthfully for one last thing before...goodbye.

" Don't...don't do this." Her broken whisper cut through the numbness that surrounded me and was almost my undoing, but as I gazed in her eyes, the reflection of a monster, _my_ reflection stared back at me; unmoved, hard, _**cold**_. I had to.

"You're not good for me, Bella" I forced the blasphemous lie through gritted teeth. The numbness had been replaced by an all to familiar self-loathing at the sight of the agony in her eyes and the words came out harsher than I intended.

Again I was stung by how quickly she believed that. She really thought I didn't need her! She did not understand my feelings for her at all. I guess I should have been glad that she believed this so quickly, but I couldn't. I had been selfish enough to hope that she wouldn't believe me, and I deserved the disappointment that came when she found her voice again.

"If...if that's what you want"

I couldn't talk. If I did, apologies would come flowing out along with pleas for her to take me back, so I just nodded.

I could see her walls crumbling and her body seemed so fragile that I couldn't help but ask her one last thing.

"I would like to ask for one favor, though, if that's not too much"

She looked so delicate that my cool pretense crumbled into a mask of worry for the briefest instant before I recomposed my face.

"Anything," she promised.

I couldn't keep up with the facade anymore, so I allowed my eyes to burn into hers for an immeasurable moment, hoping to convey that I still cared for her and how much her safety meant to me.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Yes, please Bella. Take care of yourself. Don't waste your life for me.

I watched in relief as she nodded slightly before covering my expression with the hard mask again.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself," Because I won't be around to do that anymore, I thought before adding, "for him."

Her head bobbed again. "I will," she promised

" And I'll make one promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you will see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again You can go on with your life any interference from me. It would be as if I never existed." I forced out these words, ignoring the ripping agony that picked at me when I realized that this really was the end. Instead, I thought about the gifts and photographs I had hidden under her floorboards. I knew this was stupid, I was breaking my promise, but I had convinced myself that there was no way she would ever find that. It was a very weak excuse, but I had so badly wanted to leave something of myself with her.

I saw her knees tremble a little and heard her pulse pick up. She wasn't taking this well. I forced the muscles of my mouth to curve slightly upward . "Don't worry. You're human- your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for you kind." I said this not only to lessen the impact of our break-up, but also to assuage my guilt. I had to make myself focus on the fact that this was in her best interest.

"And your memories?" she inquired.

This time I kept the smile in place more easily. That was so _Bella. _Of course, she would be more worried about me than her own unhappiness.

"Well," I paused, wondering how to frame this in a way that my answer would seem even in the least believable, "I won't forget." That was obvious. "But _my_ kind are very easily...distracted." Well, we were. Of course, there was no way I could be distracted from the misery that was eating away my insides, but I didn't need to add that.

I stepped away from her. This was it

"That's everything I suppose. We won't bother you again"

I was about to turn away when her mouth opened up. 'Alice isn't coming back' she mouthed.

Of course, I forgot that Bella didn't know. I observed her face and realized that she cared about Alice more than I had thought. Slowly and deliberately I shook my head. Guilt fed to the growing angst in me and I wished I had let Alice say goodbye.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

I hoped the meaning in my words was clear. That she understood that I was not leaving behind any reminders of myself other than her memories, which would fade in time.

"Alice is gone?" Disbelief was evident in her voice.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

That, and the fact that I wouldn't be able to leave if I grew any more attached.

Bella's heart started to race again, her breath came in short spurts. Unable to take it any longer I decided to finish it off.

"Goodbye, Bella" I said. _**I love you and I'm only doing this for your safety. **_I was surprised by how offhand I sounded. I felt so wretched inside, my mind barely registered her plea for me to wait.

I grabbed her wrists, one of which were partially extended towards me, relishing the warm touch of her soft skin and gently pressed my lips to her forehead, memorizing her scent, before I turned away and ran off, leaving behind the love of my existence..._forever._

* * *

It all came crashing down on me. Every memory of me and Bella, every moment, every conversation, everything down till today. I realized that this was my last memory of her; her face contorted in pain, sadness spilling from her features...because of _me._.

As I passed the sign that bade me farewell from Forks... from my angel, the finality of the situation struck me and the agony I had managed to conceal rose to the surface, attacking with a vengeance, picking viciously at my wounds. That was the last straw. I couldn't bear it anymore so I slumped back against the nearest tree, clutched my knees and head to my chest and gave up; let the misery surrounding for so long overwhelm me, let the pain that I so rightly deserved engulf me and let the darkness hovering over my being consume me...entirely.

* * *

I don't know how long I sat like that. I didn't care. Time meant nothing...life meant nothing..._meaning _meant nothing...without her. I knew I would never find peace again and I would pay it as price for Bella's happiness and safety.

When I came up, my chest was filled with emptiness that would never be filled with anything but pain; my heart was gone; and my essence... was dead.

_It was over._


End file.
